14 Essential Tips for First-Time Swingers

Bringing another couple into your relationship can be intimidating to
couples not accustomed to "sharing" a partner. However, once the
initial reservations are overcome swinging can bring excitement and a
sense of newness to your relationship that is nearly impossible to find
anywhere else. Any couple that is exploring the lifestyle for the first
time should first establish their comfort zones, both as a couple and as
individuals. You may want to try attending and event where you can
simply watch or have others watch you while in a group setting without
structure. At the start of your explorations you may also want to
attend a more intimate event in which you and your partner interact with
only one other couple such as entertaining at someone's house.
Attending these two types of events will give you both a better idea of
what your comfort level is.
Remember that in any situation at any type
of event you may choose not to participate. Sometimes couples attend an
event where they do not participate for many reasons. Perhaps they
didn't find another couple that seems suited to them or the environment
is not in their comfort level. Whatever the reason, you will not be
frowned upon for choosing not to participate.
As a couple new to swinging you should talk together
about what your expectations are of both yourself and your partner, and
any ground rules that may aid in your first lifestyle experience. (Of
course these rules may change but it's good to establish some for the
first experience so that you are both on the same page). Communication
between you and your partner both before and during your swinging
experiences is the key to having a pleasurable first experience. Here
are some other suggestions:
1. Use role-playing to stimulate a sexual experience
with another couple.

Couples can play out a swinging fantasy by each
partner pretending that the other is a stranger. Make it a point to talk
about your feelings afterward. Did you feel nervous, stimulated,
excited, anxious, jealous? It is essential to discuss all of your
feelings so that you or your partner are not surprised during a real
swinging experience. If you have an idea of how you may feel you can
make your experience even more pleasurable.
2. For your first experience discuss with your partner
the possibility of meeting another couple alone.
There are usually many couples attending a party
and the energy may be infectious prompting couples to experiment farther
than they had discussed. On the other hand, the large number of people
at a party may be intimidating, preventing first-timers from
experimenting or even participating at all. In a one-on-one situation
with another couple in a more intimate setting it is easier to control
what happens and you are more likely to focus on how you and your
partner are feeling.
3. Stay together while attending your first few
parties.
Your first party sets the stage for your future
swinging experiences. Therefore, it is extremely important that you are
both comfortable and have fun. If you stay together you can
communicate and stay in touch with the way your partner is feeling.
Communication is the key to establishing your comfort zone and therefore
making the most of your swinging experience. If, at your first party,
you leave your partner to play with someone else, you better have a LOT
of fun because it will most likely be your only lifestyle experience!
4. Watch first then play in parallel.
For your first experience it is important that
everyone establish their comfort zones. Therefore, it is essential to
progress slowly, especially if one person is apprehensive. Try watching
another couple play. If you are both comfortable with this enjoy the
excitement and play together, just the two of you, but in the same room
as another couple.
5. Play at the same level as your partner.
Try to keep the level of intimacy between all
people involved about equal. This is just a suggestion, not a strict
rule. However, the more the balance of intimacy falters, the more likely
it is that someone will become uncomfortable. If your partner is
having full-fledged intercourse while you are just talking with your
swapped partner you could become uncomfortable fairly quickly,
especially if you are new to the lifestyle.
6. Ensure both partners are having FUN!
Play so that you both are having fun. Don't
focus on just one person so that one of you is getting all of the
attention, especially in your first few encounters. With experience it
is easier to take turns and keep everyone happy and comfortable.
7. Establish a "save me" signal.
Before you begin any swinging encounters
establish a signal that either partner can give at any point in the
experience that says "Something is up. We need to talk." This signal
will be used if someone becomes uncomfortable. If the signal is given
by either partner stop and talk immediately, no matter what is
happening.
8. Take home the eroticism and passion.
Playing with another couple can exponentially
increase the sexual attraction between you and your significant other.
One of the main reasons couples swing is to enhance their own
relationship, both sexually and emotionally. A great swinging
experience improves your own relationship. Re-experience your encounters
when you get home.
9. Men, do not be surprised if you have difficulty
keeping an erection. Women, be prepared to play without an erection to
assist.
One of nature's cruelest jokes was to give a man
his most desired fantasy only to have experience penis malfunction. It
will happen. Despite the common conception that men will jump at any
opportunity for sex regardless of the partner, it is often difficult for
a male to overcome the socially reinforced belief that sleeping with
someone other than his partner is forbidden.
10. Swinging can be a bad experience if:
- someone gets a disease
- you believe that swinging is wrong but wonder
if a personal experience could convince you otherwise (you won't be
convinced)
- you do not communicate with your partner
- you are not prepared emotionally or
physically
11. You can make swinging even better for you and your
partner by:
- staying in communication with your partner
- experience erotic pleasure in ways other than
intercourse
- expanding your experiences to include even
more fun games to play at home
12. No means no.
...but sometimes its hard to say no. You may be
unsure of your partner's feelings or even our own, you may not know how
to say "no", or you may just be uncomfortable rejecting someone. In the
case you need/want to say "no" but can't/won't, simply withdraw. Go to
the bathroom. This is always an acceptable excuse. Creating a
no-pressure situation is very important when swinging, especially for
newcomers.
13. Do not play with couples in conflict.
We all have problems from time to time. However,
if it is obvious that a couple is not getting along it is likely that
swinging with that couple will turn negative.
14. HAVE FUN!
Swinging is about enjoying intimacy with your
partner and heightening the experience by including other couples.
Relax and have fun!